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Sunday, May 25, 2008

I'd fun at camp, which was much expected. But also I learnt SO much, my eyes are 3/4 opened now (they used to be only 1/4 opened? or opened at wrong times). So yes I need to stop being blind. Blind to myself. Failing to see the goodness in myself, failing to recognise the weaknesses as well. And slowly answer a question I believe many would not be able to answer: Who am I? (minus my parents, family, friends, results, school, work... etc) WHO AM I EXACTLY?!

Looks like such a simple question, yet it's really far from simple. It is a really really deep question which requires an honest answer from myself.
Of cos only after much reflection, much thinking, and much observing.

Being good is one thing, doing good is another. And doing good is not so easy ainit? Temptations, insecurity, fear...
All these rubbish feelings, draws me further, keeps me from falling in love. With THE #1 LOVER. It's so easy to forget His presence, His unconditional love, His sacrifices, His friendship. Instead, I end up lost. Seeking friendships with pseudo friends (those who pop smses once in a million years to say they miss me, meet up soon but never plan a single thing), and BLIND to those who were ALWAYS there. Why did I want SO MANY 'friends' when I had a few whom I know I could trust with my life. Stupid me, what a fool I was. What a waste of time. Thank God I see it now. And I'm just so sure I'd treasure those who really treasure me.

Thank you. For loving me despite who I am.

Not just when I look pretty, or only when I feel nice and be nice.
But when I'm stripped off my makeup, when I crack stupid jokes or say really dumb n bimbotic stuff, when I cry and feel really horrible, when I'm whiny, when I pronounce words wrongly, when I'm mean, when I'm selfish, when I'm demanding, when I dont love.

Yet, you love :)
WAHHH feel blessed already.
But shit man, so easy to take things for granted.
i'll try. Please dont take me for granted too pls.

Anyway, think I went off-track. Main point is that.. i'm slowly discovering myself. Changing to be better, and perhaps making it easier for others to see me for me. Cos I know I don't portray myself as a whole. I've never liked people to see my bad side. I always want to be known in a good way, well who doesnt? But i guess, then it's not really who I really am ainit? Good or no good, I'm me what.

Okayyy I shall just stop going on n on n on...
Finally a good night's rest tonite on my comfy bed with my little toys around me haha. And I wont be freezing through the night.

GOOD NIGHT DARLINGS!

10:20 PM ♥